suefunky

This past year has been a big one, both Mr. Funky and I turned 40 (ok, I have even turned 41 lately - doesn't feel much different), celebrated our 10-year Anniversary, and, the biggest surprise, came back to the East Coast. But more on that later.

I have a million blog posts in my head, but today is the one that motivates me. Today, Mach would have turned 40. An age he, and we, all dreaded, and one he did not get to experience.

I have been "Maching around the clock" for the last week or so - really really thinking about him and where he would have been in his life. As I have shared, he was always really emotional from New Year's until his birthday. But, I really think he would have ridden the 'wave' of 40 pretty well - he would have been at his job for a bit, getting a happier groove. I like to think that is how he would have been.

I also think - what should I be doing on this day? Something spectacular to commemorate him? go volunteer for a day somewhere? Should those who loved him be joining forces for something big? Give a donation somewhere? In time, I may change my mind, and some of those things may happen. However, I really feel that he would be so pleased to see me, and those who were close to him, leading our lives, being who we are and the people he loved. So, today, that is what I am thinking.

I am also carrying with me a new image. With Spring stuggling to make an appearance this year, TNT is running baseball movies. (Bull Durham, Field of Dreams, Eight Men Out and others) Mr. Funky and I watched "Field of Dreams' the other night. I have new appreciation for the scene where Terrance Mann (James Earl Jones) is asked to go back into the corn fields with Shoeless Joe, and, presumably, his death. As he stands at the edge of the cornfield playfully touching the stalks and toying with the other side. He laughs. Then he laughs harder. And walks into the corn field in full belly laugh - full of joy at his next new adventure.

Today - I am thinking that Mach is on a new adventure - learning everything he can, seeing things he only dreamed about, and watching us all - full of joy.

Again, I may change my mind in time. But, today, that is what I am thinking. Happy Birthday Mach. 40 ain't so bad, huh?

Having recently turned 40, it is finally beginning to hit me that I am actually older than 20. Or 18. On days when I think I am in reality, I am really 32. Daily reminders are that not everybody understands my "Brady Bunch" references. Not everyone remembers knock-knock jokes on Dixie Cups. That I can handle. But this, this was a little rough.

I played a drop-in tennis match last week with 3 other people at my club. One, high-school aged boy named Mark was one I hadn't yet met - and I thought I was playing with another, high-school aged boy I knew, also named Mark. When I introduced myself, New Mark said "Yes, it is confusing. Mark and I are on the same team at school, and there is another Mark as well."

I remarked that everywhere I go - there is at LEAST one other, if not more, other Suefunkys. (Susiefunky, Susanfunky, Suziefunky, Suzannefunky, etc.) So, I understood his pain.

However, it also occurred to me that there aren't a lot of high schoolers named Suefunky anymore. You just don't see it.

New Mark, calmy, honestly, and very matter-of-factly-without-an-ounce-of-irony replied: "I think it is a generational name."

GENERATIONAL?!?!?!?!? Really?

I guess this makes sense - It is feasible I could have a child his age, and that would be a generation - right? There aren't many people my age who share the same names as my mom's generation (save for the Biblical names, those never go out of style). Think too of what your grandparents were named - not too many of those around either. It is interesting to me that something so personal, so much a part of one's identity is, well, trendy to a degree.


the popular names for 2006
http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/

vs

the popular names from 1967

http://www.ssa.gov/cgi-bin/popularnames.cgi

HA! My name was Top 5 that year! Take THAT Sandra! (#20) But, alas, don't even crack the Top 20 of the 1991 names. (the projected year of New Mark's birth - which is also the year I met Mr. Funky - wow.)

PS - I'll learn that cool blogger trick of putting links under "here" - but I am not there yet. Clearly, I need a 10-year-old to help me with this technology.

I am currently on a business trip, and there has just been too many of those lately. And I am more than sick of the general public (more on that later) However, after 12 hours or client/colleague chatting/meeting/eating and standing in heels, I was able to sit down at a company dinner.

My dining partners were collegues with whom I am forging friendships, and who were equally tired after the long day. One particular colleague was a particular bright spot in my long day.

When discussing whether or not our offices were safe walking distance from the dinner, he noted that yes it was, but probably safer during the day. "Stick with the sunshine and take a friend," he said.

This is my new motto, mantra and possible future tatoo. "Stick with the sunshine and take a friend." What could be more simple? What could be a better guide to life? I'm putting that one in my pocket for much future use.

Today is Kaant March's birthday. To most he was Mach. His mother called him "Machie" - which we all loved. And today would have been his 39th birthday.

He was always most moody between New Years and this day - and I have found myself most mournful of losing him on these 'bookend' dates as well. Since 1984, we did not miss a year connecting at the New Year - be it a phone call, or, in good years, a night out at New Year's Eve followed by brunch and a movie on Jan 1. But, the call did not happen this year. And I cannot send him an e-mail or call to wish him well on the completion of his moody time, as well as hear what exciting, thoughtful, and ambitious plans he cooked up for himself in his brewing. Or what his opinions were on the Oscars, fashion, or world events.

It seems fitting to remember him on a blog. He loved the internet. He loved technology and was well-known professionally for his great ideas on-line. (Which just kills me, since he couldn't operate a TV/VCR combo for many, many years.) And his college technology was a boom box (with Whitney Houston tapes) and a portable TV with a 6-inch screen. And I am sure he'd be horrified at my lack of good design on this blog. Horrified, but not surprised.

But Mach was a wonderfully complex person - who was so simple in his heart and soul. He loved people, his dog, his friends, and life in general. And was always looking for ways to make it all better, things prettier, and people happier.

With his passing, literally hundreds of people around the world have felt the void. I have been overwhelmingly honored to have been his friend for so many years - and I honored to have met and connected with so many who were close to him in completely different ways.

But, with that complexity comes the simple fact that I miss my friend. That part of my heart will never be the same. What I had as a seemingly permanent part of me, is now inexplicably gone.

I hope I remember all he was teaching in the way he lived his life. (Though, as you can see, I didn't pick up any design skills through osmosis)

I hope I take this and learn to not settle for mundane options. That I remember lack of charisma can be fatal, and make my life what I want it to be.

I will strive to remember what part of me came most alive when we were together - and strive not lose that enthusiasm, interest and optimism he fostered in us all.

Happy Birthday Mach. You are missed.

At last, the dreaded 40 arrived a few weeks ago. I must say, I was more relieved than anything to not have to worry about how I would feel when the day finally arrived. (So, let me impart that age-old wisdom on youyoung upstarts - don't worry!)

I will say that a) it is harder to lose weight that it was a few years ago and b) it is harder to recover from injury and excersise. (Should my foot STILL be hurting from my fall off the curb 4 weeks ago??)

I know I should do more entries on this . Believe me, there are enough entertaining/infuriating/touching things I see everyday that I could DEFINITELY post about !However, I don't because I don't know how to do graphics. Or post picture. Or necessarily want to get fired over all the work events I would write about.

But, I really really really don't think that the only comments I should get are Blogger SPAM.
(See May 30 entry.)

I need a vacation.

The movie "Titanic" was on tv last night, and I sat with Mr. Funky for a while to watch the ending. When it was the big hit that it was in 1997, it struck a chord with millions. Some of the millions were teenagers who saw it multiple times for Leo DiCaprio. Others were fascinated by the sheer magnitude of the disaster, and insight to all that happened on that night so long ago.

The ending of the movie shows how many people faced disaster with great courage and strength - older couples lying entwinded in the beds of their cabin knowing what their destiny was, and facing it together. Muscians spending their last hours playing their instruments - with strength and dignity. Parents tucking their children into bed, knowing they would not wake but making their last moments feel safe. Watching this movie in 1997, these episodes seemed so far away, so long ago, and that strength very unfamiliar.

Watching it in 2005, I was struck with how often since 1997 we have had to see this kind of courage in so many, in so many different situations. I couldn't help but think of the people in the towers and on the planes on September 11. Or think of the hundreds of thousands in the beach villages of Asia whose lives changed in an instant on a Sunday in December 2004. As we know now, so many people faced terrible uncertainty with the same courage and strength we had only known from the movies. Watching "Titanic" in 2005 gave the film a whole new level of modernity, familiarity and reality. Has our world changed this much? That tragedy has become everyday reality? I'll have to ponder that a bit.

PS - Don't get me wrong - this movie, apart from the re-building of the ship, really sucks, as a movie.

It is a sad reality, but pop up ads on the internet are now a part of every day. However, if MSN doesn't get rid of that nasty toenail fungus pop up, I am going to switch to gmail for ALL my personal stuff. A pop up is annoying enough, it shouldn't make me cringe and click away screaming. Next time their media buyer calls me, I'll be sure to let them know.